It's time to emo again..:P. Recently made a lot of mistakes which caused other people to actually stumble. That's the thing about leaders, every move and everything that they do actually affects others around them. Perhaps that's why I'm not like a great leader yet but just someone learning to be one. It's funny. You try your best, but you still fall and make all sorts of mistakes. It hurts both me, and the other parties involved. Don't worry, this post is not about some particular thing that happened but as God is humbling me, I start to see more mistakes. More weaknesses. More noobishness. I came to a conclusion after seeing all this. I'm not a good leader. If I am good, will all these happen? Will not GMC grow and flourish? Sometimes I really wonder, why God chose me? Sometimes I even think, whether is it really God who chose me or not.

For those youth from GMC who are reading this, don't be surprised. Leaders have this struggle. We are chosen by God to help you guys grow. The problem is, we are still human. And we make mistakes, plenty of them. We are sort of the center of attention to the devil. The devil knows how to 'strike the leader, take out the army'. That's why we struggle still. This is more of an emo post but there is something to learn from here as well. We can't run away from making mistakes.

If we really are honest with ourselves, we will see that we sin terribly and bountifully everyday. I am starting to see that more. Actually, we're not even better than a serial rapist or a mass murderer. In the bible Jesus said that if we look at a woman lustfully, we have commited adultery and if we are angry at our brother, we fall on the same judgement and murdering. How many times we actually had lustful thoughts or was angry at someone? Even for a short period of time? Plenty, countless, almost everyday. That's why, we are like serial rapists or mass murderers. So what does mass murderers and serial rapists got to do to be saved? To improve? To change? Believe in Jesus.

You know, we don't really like to see our own faults because it makes us vulnarable, it shows that we are not good and it means we have to leave our comfort zone and put effort to change. That's why we try to hide our weaknesses and every chance we have we will try to say something or do something to cover our mistakes so that no one knows about it. I'm guilty of course.

When it comes to mistakes, Jesus likes a humble and contrite heart. A humble heart is a heart that admits his/her mistakes and a contrite heart is a heart that feels sorry and repents of his/her mistakes. Since we can't run away from making mistakes, why hide? Just admit it to God or someone close to you that can be trusted (must be a Christian). When we do that more often, God will change us and forgive us. That's a promise He made. 100% true.

About me being a good leader or not, only God can answer that question. But one thing I know for sure. I can't do it without Him. I'm might not be a good leader but He is good. If GMC grows, it will be because of Him. I only did my part, that small 1%. Holy Spirit, do your work. We need You. If You don't do anything, we won't be able to grow. Help us please. I still believe God chose me though, for whatever reason He has for doing so. Help me improve. Amen

Anyway...not emo di...coz I know that God is with me...Just wanted to share this thought...ciaoz.

This is something that I experienced some time ago. I hope I can remember the full details. There was one night where I couldnt sleep. Normally when I couldn't sleep, it will be for a few reasons only. Either I'm thinking bout church stuff or I'm sad about something. It was another one of those nights where I was thinking a lot about church stuff. When I say church stuff I mean like dreams for the future of my church, sermons, events...etc. Basiclly God was like talking to me a lot.

One problem though, I need to go to work the next day. I kept telling God, "Hey God, can tell me next time? Or some other day please? You know very well that I need to go to work tomorrow. So please help me sleep." Of course, I still couldn't sleep, if I did, then I got nothing to blog about :P.. Then suddenly I heard God saying, "Go to McDonald's, take your laptop and go." Now I'm pretty sure that it's not my stomach speaking because I wasn't hungry that time (hard to believe nonetheless). So I thought that since I couldn't sleep, I might as well do my work in McDonald's (by the way, I tossed and turned until it was 4 a.m. that time).

So I grabbed my laptop and drove to McDonald's. There were only two 24-hour drive thru McDonald's in Ipoh. So I went to the one in Bercham first. When I reached there, I noticed that there were no cars and the entrance to the parking was blocked. However, the building was brightly lit. So I parked somewhere, and went down. I saw a notice on the door which wrote, "Sorry we are closed for our monthly cleaning." (not exact but you get the idea).

So since this one was closed, I went to the other McDonald's which was in Gunung Rapat. To my horror, it was also closed for monthly cleaning. The first thing that came to my mind was this: "How can McDonald's be so dumb?!? Why do they choose the same day to do their monthly cleaning? I mean, they should have closed one for cleaning and open the other one instead of closing both!!! This is ridiculous!!!" (I was pretty cranky because I was REALLY sleepy).

And then another thing came to my mind. Why did God ask me to come out in the first place? I'm sure He knows that both McDonald's were closed that time. Basicly, the real question in my heart was, "WHY DID HE WATSE MY TIME?" Then I thought to myself, maybe I heard God's voice wrongly. Maybe it's some other place that I can do my work in. Sadly, there was none. Mamak's are open 24 hours, but my laptop cant last that long because it's battery life is really sohrt. I was seriously mad at God at that time.

Then God started to say something to me. When God asks us to do something, we don't need a reason. The reason is for God to know and for us to find out. We will never be able to see at that particular time, why God ask us to do certain things. Some things that God asks us to do can really seem ridiculous. Not because it really is ridiculous. But because we are not as smart as God. He knows the future. He knows what's best for us. To us it seems ridiculous, but to Him, He knows it's purpose. So the question is, do we have the faith to just obey Him? Obeying Him can be tough. Obeying Him could mean the end of some of your wants, it might cause people to laugh at you, it might make you confused and the worse of all, obeying God can cost you your life.

What I experienced is something really small and somewhat insignificant. But there is a lesson to be learnt from this experience. God challenged me to how much I am willing to obey Him even though some of those things that God told me to do might seem ridiculous. I pray for you and I, that God will help us fall in love with Him so much that we will be willing to obey, and continue to obey His voice, His word, His calling, His purpose.

There is a final twist in this story. I was able to find out the purpose of me obeying His voice to go out to McDonald's. He told me, "Write what you learned today in your blog". Amen

So just wanna encourage you. God's ways may seem strange and difficult to follow. But there is always a reason to why God wants you to follow Him. He has something special for you at the end of it. Just trust and obey.

wow...looks like it's been a while since i've posted anything...totally busy with camp stuff and after the camp i had to reoraganise some ready for new posts!! I guess this blog has it's purpose...some of my friends are leaving already for futher studies...i guess this blog is like some "preaching" that they can "hear"...haha...i hope and pray that it will be a blessing...ciaoz

About me

I am just a normal human being with an extraordinary Saviour, who has an extraordinary plan for me.